I’m not a narcissist. But I do look at myself in the mirror. Not to admire myself, mind you. While one could say that I’ve got more curves than a California coastal highway it’s just not the kind of thing I would say is an admirable trait of mine.
But if I happen to spot myself in a mirror on, say, the way to the shower, I’m not averse to saying things to myself like…
“What the hell is that on my stomach?!?!?”
An odd, discolored patch with glossy white bumps. That can’t be good.
“And what is that on my elbow?!?!”
A mysterious red blotch that looks like a bruise but isn’t. This isn’t going to be good for anybody.
This is what happens when you get vaccinated against and are on active meds against various forms of hepatitis, typhoid, malaria, flu and random bacteriological vectors. You get overconfident and do reckless things. Like breathe, or bathe in water that could potentially come from feeble attempts at filtering water out of Little Ganges.
I hadn’t mentioned this because I didn’t want to cause alarm, but Wednesday I had an episode on the toilet that was, shall we say, VERY relieving. I have done extensive research on the topic of “traveler’s diarrhea” (also called “the Delhi Belly” in some circles – probably therapy-based support circles of clowns and failed comedians) and this doesn’t quite fit the bill. I’m already on an antibiotic for a light sinus condition that was abating just before I left, and so I’ve not started on the Cipro they gave me in case of this euphemistically-named condition. I start to consider doubling down on the antibiotic but am not sure of the variables here.
Thursday the pattern continues. Now this isn’t the urgent, must go now or an international incident will hit the news kind of thing. This isn’t the kind of thing that makes me want to never be more than 20 yards from a relatively safe toilet. It is not causing me physical pain, nor any of the other symptoms one sees on the CDC and WebMD sites. So is it, or isn’t it?
I’m betting it is something new. Something never before encountered. Something I am choosing to name “the Bangalore Blasts.” It may not be from the water or food – it could be that my lungs have been exposed to the gasified excrement of 1.2 billion people and mildew spores every day this week. That probably isn’t good. Not for anybody.
Score: Bangalore 6, Scott 2.
Tonight I think I’ll start writing some goodbye letters.
 |
| This is me in an elevator, taking a picture of me in the elevator. |
“What the hell is that on my stomach?!?!?”
An odd, discolored patch with glossy white bumps. That can’t be good.
“And what is that on my elbow?!?!”
A mysterious red blotch that looks like a bruise but isn’t. This isn’t going to be good for anybody.
This is what happens when you get vaccinated against and are on active meds against various forms of hepatitis, typhoid, malaria, flu and random bacteriological vectors. You get overconfident and do reckless things. Like breathe, or bathe in water that could potentially come from feeble attempts at filtering water out of Little Ganges.
I hadn’t mentioned this because I didn’t want to cause alarm, but Wednesday I had an episode on the toilet that was, shall we say, VERY relieving. I have done extensive research on the topic of “traveler’s diarrhea” (also called “the Delhi Belly” in some circles – probably therapy-based support circles of clowns and failed comedians) and this doesn’t quite fit the bill. I’m already on an antibiotic for a light sinus condition that was abating just before I left, and so I’ve not started on the Cipro they gave me in case of this euphemistically-named condition. I start to consider doubling down on the antibiotic but am not sure of the variables here.
Thursday the pattern continues. Now this isn’t the urgent, must go now or an international incident will hit the news kind of thing. This isn’t the kind of thing that makes me want to never be more than 20 yards from a relatively safe toilet. It is not causing me physical pain, nor any of the other symptoms one sees on the CDC and WebMD sites. So is it, or isn’t it?
I’m betting it is something new. Something never before encountered. Something I am choosing to name “the Bangalore Blasts.” It may not be from the water or food – it could be that my lungs have been exposed to the gasified excrement of 1.2 billion people and mildew spores every day this week. That probably isn’t good. Not for anybody.
Score: Bangalore 6, Scott 2.
Tonight I think I’ll start writing some goodbye letters.
No comments:
Post a Comment